Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Warning: A completely useless, grammatically challenged, irrelevant story with run-on sentences and a picture of a magnet on our refrigerator that might offend you and if it does I'm sorry, about a homemade, frozen burrito I made. OK,I didn't really make the frozen burrito. But what's important here is that I tried to make it look homemade. It has taken two years for my husband and I to clean up the mess from that stupid cake I made with the homemade caramel that boiled over into every possible crevice of our oven. I'm not joking people. We're still recovering, and so is the oven. Things haven't improved much in the past two years. I still can't cook well,and can trash the entire kitchen in just minutes making the simplest of meals. Like cereal.And peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But I have gotten better at making things at least look like I made them myself. Take this humble, frozen burrito I made. Yes, I said make, because in my world, heating up a frozen burrito and putting it on a plate is considered homemade. Seriously, how hard can this be? It's a freakin' frozen burrito, for God's sake?! Apparently for me, it is very difficult. Looks like even getting it on a plate is going to be a challenge for me. A simple task, you might smugly think to yourself? Well its not as easy as it looks! Making a frozen burrito is hard work. I'm exhausted. I needed to sit down and touch up my lipstick. Oh snap! I left it upstairs. I can't waste any precious energy going up and down stairs if I'm to get this burrito done. I'll ask Tim to get it. Poor Tim. At first he brings me what he thinks is lipstick. Hey! That's not lipstick, damn-it! It's eyeshadow. Seriously Tim. How hard can this be? You're an engineer, for God's sake! A rocket surgeon! After thirteen blissful years of marriage you should know what lipstick is. Does this look like lipstick?! No! It's eyeshadow, for pete's sake. I know you're hungry, but this burrito is never going to be done until my lipstick is on. Everything was going just fine, until I dumped my diet Coke on the counter. Great. Looks like the diet soda is headed straight for the pile of condiments I have. Not the condiments! The secret to making a store bought frozen burrito look homemade is disguising it with lots of condiments, and hiding the wrapper, of course. Notice how I snipped the cilantro myself! Great. Now Princess is hungry. Fortunately for her, there is plenty to eat on the floor. Oh! Refrigerator magnet alert! How about that classy magnet? A former "special friend" was the inspiration behind that one. I love Ann Tainter! Finally, the "store bought but looks homemade burrito" is ready.