Saturday, October 2, 2010

Most stupid, ugly cake ever!!!!!!!

Warning: Totally irrelevant, needlessly dramatic and stupid story ahead:

A few weeks ago, I decided to try and do something other than run so I decided to surprise my long suffering husband and bake him a cake. and NOOOOO, not from a cake mix either. bad idea.

From looking at the picture in the glossy magazine, it seemed easy enough. I was going to create was supposed to be a scrumptious Apple Caramel Cake. Just three basic steps: make caramel,( an impossible and horrific ordeal) slice apples and place in caramel, then pour cake batter over everything and bake to perfection. This did not happen.

If you've ever made caramel, you know why most people buy it. It's a major pain in the ass. The sugar and corn syrup didn't melt together. They congealed. The cream I added sizzled and boiled over the sides of the skillet, and what did remain in the pan scorched to the bottom along with the sugar. Instead of the golden brown confection promised in the stupid magazine, I ended up with a bug sticky, lumpy glob, which I proceeded to press in the bottom of the cake pan.

Next came the apples. This part I got right. Then again, how hard can peeling apples be?

The cake batter was another story. As an easily distracted and sometimes stupid woman, I forgot that I already had added the eggs, and added twice the eggs. I should have known from the copious number of egg shells strewn about the counter, but counting is hard and involves math and paying attention. Further more, I was still traumatized from the caramel ordeal, so it wasn't my fault. I poured the batter over the apple caramel mess, and put it in the oven.

In about half and hour, a strange burnt sugar, apple smell began wafting through the house. I ran down the stairs to find a smoke filled kitchen, and a sizzling sound coming from the oven. As it turns out, the whole stupid "cake from hell" had boiled over the sides of the baking pan onto the oven floor. Could it get any worse?

YES! Just take a look at the pictures. My husband bravely ate a few pieces, after I tried to conceal the awful looking mess with store bought caramel and ice cream. Princess also made sure she got her share too. I think I'll stick to running for a while!